Identity

Finding one’s true self is something that either consciously or subconsciously happens for everyone. Whether this process poses a struggle or whether it is simply all rewards, identities are driven by experiences and our natural self. Our true identities may only be discovered by oneself because we ‘hide’ or ‘protect’ our deepest secrets or emotions. Giovanni’s Room shares the story of a young man as he aspires to be the most wholesome version of himself, a version that does not lie or deny his true being.

    The first step to recognizing yourself, is recognizing that fantasies are only fantasies. No human has the ability to dream of the perfect partner or the perfect situation and have it come true without sincere effort and fate. Due to this inability, one cannot survive off of fantasies, instead one must thrive on matters that exist. James Baldwin describes this concept immaculately in Giovanni’s Room when he writes “People can’t, unhappily, invent their mooring posts, their lovers and their friends anymore than they can invent their parents. Life gives these and takes them away and the great difficulty is to say yes to life.” (p. 5) Baldwin is suggesting that although we can see dreams and set goals to achieve the dreams, we cannot make up our identity. We cannot be successful at lying to our own subconsciousness.

    In America, we have the ultimate goal of achieving the American Dream, in which we invent the greatest situations of opportunity and hope that they become reality. Those who survive off of the threatening concepts of the American Dream rely on society to enhance themselves. The ideals that we must always be greater, more powerful, more successful, and more socially apt follow the concepts of the American Dream. This sets us as people up for failure because rather than focusing on who we are as individuals, we become carried away in how we compare to others. Baldwin suggests that as we yearn for power in society, we are deceiving who we are as people. He suggests this when he writes:

“I was one of those people who pride themselves on their willpower, on their ability to make a decision and carry it through. [...] People who believe that they are strong-willed and the masters of their destiny can only continue to believe this by becoming specialists in self-deception. [...] Perhaps, as we say in America, I wanted to find myself.” (p. 20-21)

When we are constantly more interested in improving or changing an aspect of what we do, we fail to improve aspects of who we are. In this bold statement that Baldwin has made, he is suggesting that to tell ourselves that we have achieved all that we can achieve or that we are the best that we can be, is a lie. Self-discovery lasts a lifetime. As people, if we fail to recognize our changing beliefs or actions, we are deceiving our conscious minds. We are pretending that emotion or action does not exist.

    As one comes to the understanding that emotion and action are powerful, discovery of their identity becomes imminent. This discovery, of course, can only be achieved when we do not mask the emotions and our actions with lies and justification. Baldwin shares a conversation with David and Jacques as they discuss the power of shameful encounters and the importance of recognizing what these feelings mean. Baldwin shares this when he writes “There is no affection in them (shameful feelings) and no joy. It’s like putting an electric plug in a dead socket. Touch, but no contact. [...] He (Giovanni)  is very fond of you already. But this doesn’t make you happy or proud, as it should. It makes you frightened and afraid.” (p. 56) Baldwin is suggesting that the emotions that David is experiencing are real and that David knows that they are real. Things that he should be happy over, such as love, he is afraid of, quite possibly because he has not come to terms with his true identity.

Coming to terms with your identity is difficult for everyone. Once you accept who you are, you can no longer justify why you feel a certain way. Instead, the emotion just prevails; you feel a certain way just because that’s how you are. In order to learn who we are, we must thoroughly experience and learn about life. If you have never been around a certain thing, you may never understand who you are in terms of that ‘thing’. Baldwin explains how we must jump into new experiences and thoroughly explore opportunities when he writes:

“Love him, love him and let him love you. Do you think anything else under heaven really matters? [...] You can give each other something that will make both of you better - if you will not be ashamed, if you will only not play it safe. [...] You play it safe long enough, and you might end up trapped in your own dirty body.” (p. 57)

The character Jacques is suggesting that once we are able to accept who we are, life becomes more meaningful and acceptable. Instead of hiding who we really are, we are able to embrace emotions and act in ways that reflect how we feel and believe.

Self-discovery is a never ending process that exists in every individual on the planet. We are united by how we determine who we truly are as individuals. Comfortable humans who are proud of who they are have mentally undergone a long and continuous cycle of comprehending their emotions and synthesizing how they feel to their actions and their identity. Our true identity is discovered when we are able to accept our emotions, live in spite of fear of judgement and live to become the best person we can be, not to achieve a fantasy.